Citizen of Nowhere

Goal #37 - Become an American citizen

My becoming an American citizen has brought a mixture of responses from my friends and family on both sides of the globe. There are those that are clearly happy and excited for me, and those who are not, choosing instead to think of me as disloyal and unappreciative of my roots.

But what people don't know or understand, is how much time, thought, humility and money, go into this process. 

Maybe there are people out there who apply for citizenship without a thought in the world for either country, but that has not been the case for me. 

I was born in Nottingham, England, and I LOVE England more than I can put into words. All of my childhood memories are there as well as my family and friends, and I miss them terribly. 

Just moving country is a hard thing. With the price of plane tickets going through the roof, you know that you won't get to see your family as much as you want to, and over the years you witness the natural changes that happen because of the distance. The Christmas cards dwindle, the calls dwindle, you loose touch with what's going on in everyone's lives, no matter how much you work at your long distance relationship. 

Before Long, you aren't current with what's happing politically or economically, and you loose many of your basic rights as a British citizen living in a foreign land. 

Within a short period of time, you are no longer allowed to vocalize any opinion you have about the things happening back home. To do so is social suicide, because people back home feel you don't have the right to an opinion on a country you don't live in, which I completely understand. 

As time goes by, you start to feel isolated. There are family members that will be critical of any American terms you use when talking to them, and it gets annoying real fast to have your words picked apart when everyone knows perfectly well what you're saying. And the only reason some people are in touch with you is because facebook exists. 

On the flip side, living in another country can also be difficult when you are not a citizen. Most people don't feel I have a right to a political opinion, because after all, this isn't my country. And again, they are right. 

You have new currency, a different version of history, you have to navigate a school system you never grew up with, and although people complain about illegal aliens, no one ever gives a voice to those doing it legally. With all the hoops you have to go through to do things the right way, I think immigration  knows everything but my cup size, and I wouldn't bet they didn't know that too. 

People assume that marrying an American citizen gives you some rights, and some people think that the marriage itself, grants you citizenship, but that is far from true. But I do understand that everyone needs to be thoroughly screened in this day and age.

But the worst part for me has been the discovery that my life before moving here is just a story to every one around me now. I can no longer talk about my past and assume anyone can understand it. This makes it easy to feel disconnected because everyone wants to be understood. Before you know it, you feel stuck between worlds. The life you once knew, and the life you now have. It's an unsettling feeling, and you yearn to belong. You feel desperate to be part of something instead of being an onlooker of two lives. 

Whats the point of having a voice if it's not valued anywhere?

Choosing to be a citizen of a country you were't born in is a hard choice. It's a deeply thought out choice. It is not a wrong choice or a bad choice.

This is my home. This is where my husband and children live. This is where my grandchildren are growing up. This is where I will live out the rest of my days. 

I have come to love this great nation. I respect the constitution and the flag, and all that they stand for. Becoming American doesn't mean I don't love my homeland. I am extremely proud of where I come from. I want to bloom where I am planted and show due respect for where I live. I want to participate and belong somewhere. I want to vote. I had no idea that I would miss such an opportunity. And it IS an opportunity. It's important enough that many were willing to sacrifice their lives to ensure we would have this privilege. 

I know many won't understand any of what I've written, but believe me when I say, my motives are pure. Loving America doesn't mean I hate where I came from. If I suddenly kept flying back and forth taking free health care, benefits or wanted to vote in England, people would be up in arms, and rightly so. 

If someone moved to England, I would hope they would love and respect it and be loyal and true to the Queen and the country. Why then, would I not do the same? I love where I'm from, and I love where I am. I do not want only to take from this country and enjoy the benefits of living here. I want to contribute, I want my voice to count, and I want to belong.

I love where I am, and that's not something anyone should be upset with me over, and if people don't understand it's my wish that they keep that to themselves. 

For me, I choose to embrace where I am and continue to be the best person I can be.